It Is What It Is

Well, today was my official last day of work!! Can I get a BIG Hallelujah shout?! Time to start a new season of my life that does NOT include scrubbing other people's toilets:) As excited as I am, this is also a little scary~like, I really did it~I quit, after 8 years! Yikes! You see, I am the type of person that likes to have everything all figured out and I like to KNOW what is going to happen tomorrow or next week. Now, I HAVE NO IDEA!!

I have taken steps to start teaching yoga twice a week, but ultimately, I really don't have any control over how many people (if any) come to my classes. I'm also nervous about the teaching itself. I don't know how my body is going to feel from one day to the next. You don't even want to hear all the other 'what if's' going through my head. Believe me, there are LOTS!

I just came from physical therapy and I have mentioned before how much I like my PT and how we talk the whole time she is killing  working on me. She was laughing at me today because I seem to always want things to be different than they are or I am always thinking 'what if' kind of stuff. For instance, I asked her, "What if I'm not better by the time my insurance is done paying for visits?" Then I said, "I hope it's pretty tomorrow." I could give you more examples, but you get the idea. I am ALWAYS thinking ahead and it adds to the tension and pain in my body. I also ignore my body and clean (and move dressers:) when I shouldn't be! And I wonder why I keep taking 2 steps forward and 1-2 steps back with  my pain.

I said all that to say that I just need to learn that 'it is what it is'. Why can't I just live in the now and be at peace and content. The therapist suggested that I go to behavioral therapy, but I'm not really up for that. I'm not sure I need therapy (although I might:), but one thing I AM sure of is that I NEED GOD! I've been really thinking about this verse this week:

"The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace..." Romans 8:6


The mind controlled by the Spirit (of God) is LIFE and PEACE! I do NOT have peace when I am trying to control or figure everything out! I know this in my head, but need to LIVE IT:)

How about you? Can any of you relate to my struggle? I know I'm not alone in this~we could all just go to therapy together:)  

Takin' the Plunge!

I am FINALLY doing it!! I AM QUITING MY CLEANING JOB!!!! This past week has been a whirlwind of decisions, emotions and business stuff. Let me back up a bit:) In my last post, I was telling you about my wonderful physical therapist and how she encourages me. Well, one thing she said to me last week that I didn't talk about was this "If you keep going like you are, you will eventually get to the point that you can't do anything!" At the time, I kind of shrugged it off, but it just kept coming back to me. I started thinking about why I just kept doing something that is obviously detrimental to my health. My number one reason was FEAR! I was SO afraid that if I quit, we would sink financially. Granted, I don't make that much, but it does help put food on the table. I decided it was high time that I trust God completely and take a huge leap of faith. After prayer and tears and talking with my mom and my best friend~I had made my decision. My mom was very helpful because she also has fibro. I talked with my husband that night and it was official!

Now what? I am actually taking two giant leaps of faith! Not only am I quiting cleaning, but I am also going to start teaching yoga~GASP! A yoga teacher near me sent me a link about this guy that teaches yoga from his wheelchair! What?! Okay, if he can do it, surely I can do it. My therapist has given me the go ahead and I have two places already lined up to teach. Man, things happen fast! I am supposed to start the first week of May. I still have two more weeks to finish out my cleaning.

I am excited to see how my body improves once the cleaning is over and, of course, I am very excited about finally being able to do something I love! There is potential to make MORE teaching yoga than I was able to make cleaning. I am still battling fear of the unknown, but I just have to keep taking it to God. He knows my situation~duh!

A Timely Devotion

I read this devotion today and couldn't believe how 'on the spot' it was for me so I thought I would share it with you:) This is from 'Streams In The Desert' by L.B Cowman.

                              " See how the lilies of the field grow" (Matthew     6:28)
      "Many years ago there was a monk who needed olive oil, so he planted an olive tree sapling. After he finished planting it, he prayed, 'Lord, my tree needs rain so its tender roots may drink and grow. Send gentle showers.' And the Lord sent gentle showers. Then the monk prayed, 'Lord, my tree needs sun. Please send it sun.' And the sun shone, gliding the once-dripping clouds. 'Now send frost, dear Lord, to strengthen its branches,' cried the monk. And soon the little tree was covered in sparkling frost, but by evening it had died.
       The monk sought out a brother monk in his cell and told him of his strange experience. After hearing the story, the other monk said,'I also planted a little tree. See how it is thriving! But I entrust my tree to it's God. He who made it knows better than a man like me what it needs. I gave God no constraints or conditions, except to pray, 'Lord, send what it needs--whether that be storm or sunshine, wind, rain, or frost. You made it, and you know best what it needs."


I read this and realized how many times I think I know what is best for my children or myself. I think I have it all figured out. I think I know better than God how to care for things and that is SO NOT TRUE!! I am always fretting and worrying and wanting things to go a certain way because I think that way is best, when really I am killing the tree!! I am trying to learn to STOP trying to control everything and realize that if God can cause the lilies in the field to flourish, or the olive tree to thrive, then surely He knows what is best for me and my family! I can trust Him with my children, my health, my finances, my marriage and anything else in my life, but I don't always live like I trust Him.

Are there areas in your life that you are trying to control or having a hard time trusting Him? I am a control freak and that really needs to change!!

Crossing that Bridge

(Source)


 Most of you may not know that I have been cleaning other people's homes for almost 8 years now. It has been a great way to earn some income while still being able to homeschool my children and be home more than if I had a full time job. I am my own boss, it pays well, I make my own schedule and I can change things when needed. I have been so blessed to have the most wonderful clients in the world too! I seriously could not have asked for better as far as the people I have worked for.

   Over the last several months, my health became more challenging leading up to an official diagnoses of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I have had symptoms literally for YEARS, but I somehow managed to keep pushing through all that I needed to do~until now. My husband and I had a conversation not too long ago about what would happen if I got to the point that I could no longer work the way I have been. He said "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it". Well, we are at that bridge and it is time to cross it!! I feel like I am at the point where I simply can not keep demanding things of my body that are only making me feel worse. I have pushed my body to do things that I didn't feel like doing for SO long, that I now think my body is totally rebelling!!

   I recently became a certified yoga teacher through Holy Yoga and am waiting to see what God has for me in that area of my life. I am teaching a gentle class at my church each week and am praying for another space to open up soon. My goal is to phase out all of my cleaning jobs and only teach yoga. I'm not sure what God has planned though:) I am having to remind myself that His timing is always perfect! He knows exactly what I can and can't handle and I'm so thankful for His care for me.

   I would greatly appreciate prayer for:
      1-God's provision as I am unable to work as much
      2-Open doors for me to teach yoga
      3-Answers as to what treatment is best for my body
      4-FAITH to trust God in ALL areas of my life

  Prayer is powerful and I would feel blessed to have the prayers of fellow believers:)

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you." Jer. 29: 11-12

A Lesson in Faith

     I think most of us would agree that the opposite of faith is unbelief and fear. I learned a great lesson through my yoga practice recently that I want to share with you. I have been practicing yoga for about a year and a half and have been able to gain some muscle and strength in the process, but one of the things I seemed to have trouble doing was a headstand. I could do it if I was against a wall for balance, but not otherwise. At the end of September I went to my yoga training retreat and one of the many things we worked on was a headstand away from the wall. I did it away from the wall, but only because I had someone to catch my feet as I kicked them up. So, when I got home I was determined to learn to get into a headstand and stay there without anyone helping and no wall!

   One morning, I decided that maybe if I knew I wouldn't kill myself if I fell, just maybe I could do it. I then had the idea to get close enough to the couch so that I would land on it if I did fall--but not close enough to be able to touch it. In other words, I couldn't use the couch to help me get up or stay up, but at least if I fell I knew I wouldn't break anything!

   I thought that one of the reasons I couldn't get up without help was lack of strength. I'm not the strongest 40 (almost 41) year old I know! To my surprise, I quickly found out that I DID have the strength to get up AND I stayed up!!! I was so shocked that I actually did it, I almost fell. I had to really contain my excitement in order to stay up!! I didn't touch the couch and I didn't fall!! This was a HUGE success for me :)

    I learned a very important lesson about God through this! How many times do we not do something out of fear of falling? We think we aren't strong enough, or that if we fall God may not be there to catch us!! If we trust and know that He WILL catch us, we usually find out that we can do more than we think. It is His strength~not ours. I did fall one day, and it was scary, but the couch was there to catch me and I was okay. It's the same with our wonderful Savior!! We WILL fall from time to time, but it's okay~He always catches us!!

   I really wanted to take a picture of me in my wonderful new headstand, but I don't want to add to the pain in my upper body that I have had lately. You'll just have to trust that I CAN do it;) Knowing that is good enough for me! I don't have to prove anything to myself by doing it everyday and taking a chance on hurting myself. I am having to really learn to listen to my body in my yoga practice, but at the same time, yoga is one of the most helpful things for me right now:)

   Is there something you have been afraid to try for fear of falling?

"Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, Be strong, do not fear; your God WILL come..." Isaiah 35:3-4

Raindrops and Remedies

     I was very fortunate to be able to go see my ND (Dr. of Natural Remedies) yesterday afternoon! This past week has been filled with a lot of pain and fatigue. She did something called Raindrop Therapy on my back and it felt SO good. This is the second time she has done this for me and it is by far the best kind of massage I have ever had. I haven't had a lot of massages, but this one is the best so far. She starts out by dripping several different kinds of essential oils all over my back. The oils are cool, but not so cold that it makes you flinch. She then spreads the oils around with her fingernails. After the oils are covering my whole back really well, she then places a really warm, wet towel over my back. While the oils and the warm towel are doing their job, she works on my legs and feet. After a bit, the oils will start to burn some because there is peppermint oil in the mix. When I tell her it is burning, she removes the towel and rubs another kind of oil on that immediately takes the burn away. She then works on my back for a good long time! I also love it because her massage table is heated which comes in really handy when she decides to ice my upper back and neck. Did I leave pain free? Nope, but it sure gave me some relief that I am very thankful for! She also mixed two remedies for pain for me (shown above). She has always been very good at mixing remedies specifically for my needs. They do tend to taste pretty yucky, but oh well. I am also having some gut issues, but she is more concerned about getting me out of this pain cycle I'm in first. More about the gut another day:)

    I have really been wrestling with coming to a place of peace with the way my body feels. I simply can not choose to believe that I will always feel this way. If I do that, I lose heart and that is NOT a place of faith for me! I may or may not feel this way for the rest of my life, but at least I can do my best to feel better with massage, remedies, good diet and moderate exercise.

   Hope you all have a blessed Saturday!!

" Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." 2 Cor.4:16