Transition Time

I wrote in this post last week about my Dr. and my physical therapist both recommending a change in my 'career'. I have been thinking a LOT about that and praying a LOT about that! The thing is, I WANT TO TEACH YOGA!! I don't want to get a job doing anything else! I don't want to be a secretary or a banker or anything else. I feel like God gave me this desire to teach Holy Yoga for a reason and He provided in miraculous ways for me to do the training. I keep thinking to myself, "Why would God provide like He did if I were never going to be able to teach?". Well, I obviously do NOT have the answers, but I do feel like I am getting some direction. I am SO thankful that God cares about this kind of stuff in our lives!

I went to therapy again yesterday and talked to the therapist the whole time she was working on me about my desire to teach yoga and stop cleaning. My main question for her was if she thought my body could handle teaching. My myofascial pain is improving~not gone but improving:) I have been able to do yoga three times this week and it didn't kill me!! YAY!! I do have to be extra careful, but the therapist thinks I can do enough to teach. That was the most encouraging news I have had in months!! Seriously!! She also thinks having a job I LOVE would be more beneficial to my health than doing something I really do not like~that is a nice way to put it:)

One good point the therapist made, was that we have never had a chance to see how my body would respond if I were ONLY doing yoga and NOT cleaning. I had never really thought about that before, but it hasn't left my mind since. Where do I go from here? I can't really afford to stop cleaning cold turkey, so my only option really is to keep cleaning AND try to get my yoga up and running. I'm not sure if my body can handle both, but I'll never know if I don't take a leap of faith! God knows my situation and I am really crying out to Him for wisdom. Who knows, He could do a miracle and make a way for me to stop cleaning tomorrow! If not, I am praying He will give me the grace to clean while I start teaching. Praying for lots of students to come my way:)!

Have you had to take a leap of faith recently? I would love to hear about it:) Thanks for reading my blog!

We'll See...

Do you like to exercise? I DO!! About 12-13 years ago I learned to love exercise for the first time in my life. I had three young children and had some weight leftover from pregnancy that I wanted to lose. So, I learned to exercise and found that it made me feel really good. My main form of exercise has changed over the years from one thing to another, but I have been pretty consistent with doing something. I have done FIRM workouts a LOT along with some other videos I had. I never had a gym membership and didn't see the need for one. Over the last few years, my main form of exercise has been lots of walking and cleaning houses for a living. Then, almost two years ago I added yoga to my list of favorites. I also have a history with some dance.

When my fibro. became full blown about 8 months ago, my ability to exercise was greatly challenged. I found it very difficult to do even the simplest things that I used to love to do! I think this has been one of the hardest parts of fibro. and chronic fatigue. Right now, my physical therapist isn't recommending that I do anything other than some walking~which I tend to even overdo that. In a nutshell, not being able to exercise like I have in the past is driving me CRAZY!! My brain wants to do so much more!! So, today I walked on the treadmill for about 20 minutes and then decided I wanted to try to do some of this:

This is the New York City Ballet workout that I used to do a LOT. I have used the book so much that it is literally falling apart! I did refrain from doing the whole thing though. It felt SO good! I did the ab exercises (most of them) and the floor exercises. I can not lay flat on my back, so I made sure I put a pillow under my head to support my neck. My PT had me have x-rays of my neck recently and there are some issues that were concerning, so I have to be pretty careful.

Anyway, I am just really praying that what I did today will not aggravate my body! Sometimes I don't realize I've overdone it until it's too late~like the time I tried to do P90X~not the smartest decision I've ever made. I just want to find something that I can do that won't hurt me! I feel like I am losing a lot of muscle and turning into a blob of flab! Will my body be able to handle a ballet workout? I guess we'll see~

HOORAY!!!!!

What's all the excitement about? Well, my son FINALLY got a car!! Do you know what this means? Let me just paint the picture for you. He is 18 and in college classes 5 days a week and two nights a week. He has a girlfriend that lives about 30 minutes from our house and she doesn't have a car either. I work two days a week and have physical therapy usually two days a week, not to mention grocery shopping etc. So, you can imagine how tricky it has been to get my son where he needs to be at the same time I need to be somewhere. Talk about stressful! I am excited beyond belief that this stress has been lifted off of me!

My kids don't seem to understand that even driving around here and there can be exhausting for someone like me. Like, they REALLY don't get it. I know it has been hard for them to understand why I have such a hard time doing certain things or being on the go all the time. Now, I will be able to be home more instead of going out every single day~woohoo!! There is also the fact that sometimes I would let my son take my car but then that meant if I did NEED to go somewhere, I couldn't. So happy that the problem is solved and he can take his own car to school, work and dating:)

As a follow up to my post yesterday, I have decided to stay on naltrexone, at least until I can talk to my Dr. again. I am trying 5-HTP again and praying that I will feel the benefits from that. No more Savella! I took one dose yesterday morning, but none after that and I can already tell a difference in how weak I was feeling. I didn't sleep well at all last night though, but at least I don't have to run my son everywhere!:) Did I mention that I'm excited about that?!

By the way, sorry I'm not too on top of putting pictures in my post, but I decided when I started this blog that I would not let picureless post keep me from blogging if I felt like blogging:) Have a great day!

Oh, I Forgot About That!

I know it's been a while since I have posted, but I wanted to talk a bit about being on Naltrexone vs. Savella. I have been on Naltrexone for barely over a month and the main difference I can tell is having a bit more energy. While that is a VERY good thing, it hasn't helped with pain at all. My Dr. said it could take a couple of months before we will know if it is going to work for me. The HUGE downfall to being on Naltrexone is that while being on it, I can't take any kind of pain meds. I can take things like Aleve, but that honestly does NOTHING for my pain. There have been many times over this last month that I would have given my left arm for some strong drugs! Not really, but you get the idea:)

Another downfall to being on Naltrexone is that is does NOTHING for depression. People who are not chronically ill may not understand this, but hurting pretty much all the time and being tired all the time can get pretty depressing! I realized the other day that I was tempted to voluntarily drive my car into a concrete wall! I know~NOT a good way to be thinking! I thought at least I could just lay in a hospital bed and be pumped full of morhine~oh, but wait, I couldn't do that because morphine and Naltrexone would not mix!! Then on top of being hurt, depressed and lying in a hospital bed, I would also be puking my guts up. I decided that was not a good option:) I don't really want to drive into a concrete wall, but I DO want some relief from pain and depression!

After having terribly wrong thinking, I decided maybe I better go back on the Savella. At least it would help with the depression and I could take pain meds. when I need them (after going off Naltrexone). I started Savella back on Friday, but there is something I forgot about when taking it. Yeah, it makes me a little sick at first, but I can handle that.What I can't handle is how weak I feel. I had completely forgotten that I felt like this when I was on it before! I'm talking weak to the point that when I get out of the shower, I have to sit on the toilet seat just to catch my breath and not feel like I'm gonna pass out! I'm talking weak to the point that walking from one end of the house to the other is exhausting~ and I have a small house! I am always tired, but this is a different kind of tired and it only got worse the longer I was on the Savella. How could I have forgotten that?! Well, probably because I was never sure if it was the Savella causing it. I just chalked it up as normal Chronic Fatigue but after being off of it and then starting it back, I now know it is the Savella.

Now what? I think I'm between a rock and a hard place! Now I'm thinking maybe I should just give the Naltrexone more time. But what about the depression? I don't know. I really don't like the idea of trying yet another medication. I have used 5-HTP for depression in the past and may give that another shot. In the meantime, I will continue to do my best to trust God. There have been a lot of things in my life that I have not understood and this is one of them, but I WILL keep going to God! He is my only hope of any kind of peace in the midst of my circumstances. I NEED HIM!! Sometimes I feel like He is right in front of me, but I'm having trouble 'seeing' Him. This is when I have to choose to simply trust:)

Where Have I Been?

Honestly, I have been on my couch or my bed a LOT these last couple of weeks! I have wanted to blog but just haven't had the energy or even clear thinking enough to do it. I am still taking Savella, but am going for a follow up with my Dr. on Monday to talk to him more about it. It isn't making me sick and I have had very little side affects from it (except for a few days), but I can't tell that it is helping AT ALL. I thought it was going to help at first because the first three days I took it I seemed to feel some better. By the fourth day, I felt like I always do. The last two weeks, I have actually felt worse! So, we'll see what the Doc says.

I am also pursuing another avenue of treatment. I am going to see another Dr. on the 24th. I really love my regular Dr., but there is a lady at my church with Fibro. and this other Dr. is really helping her with some alternative treatments. I also have some other issues that NO ONE has been able to help me with and I'm hoping the new Dr. will have some insight on how to treat me. The new Dr. had some diet recommendations for my friend at church so I am trying what he told her to do. I don't want to go into detail yet about it because it may or may not help. I just figure it's worth a shot. At this point, I am willing to do just about anything if it will help me feel better:)

I want to say too, that I am SO blessed by my church family!! When I am at my lowest, there is always a shoulder to cry on~literally~and people to pray. I am also being blessed with financial help to see this new Dr. Otherwise, I would not even be able to think about going! So, even when things look the worst, there are blessings being poured out:)

I will try to update more often. I have been reading other blogs when I feel like sitting at the computer~versus being on my couch~which is where I'm heading now:) Thanks for stopping by!

A Day of Rest

Really bad lighting!!

You know what I did yesterday? Absolutely NOTHING!! Sunday's are supposed to be a day of rest and they honestly wear me out sometimes. The most productive thing I did was take a hot bath and put clean clothes on. I missed out on church, but not because I didn't want to GET worn out~I WAS already worn out!! I had six people over for dinner Sat. night, three of which were teenagers that ended up staying at my house all night. We had a great time!! Needless to say, I don't think I even got two hours of sleep. My oldest son was kind enough to remind me the next day when I was moaning that I am not a teenager anymore~duh! Normally, when we have teens over like that I go on to bed, but this time I stayed up talking and laughing with them. I also had to make sure the girls were upstairs and the boys were downstairs after a certain time. So, that meant staying up until almost 3am and then listening to girls giggle and talk until about 5am. Then my hubby got up around 5:30 to go to work. I finally got up around 9am after having NO success with sleeping! I felt like I had been ran over by a steam roller! The teens had to fix breakfast themselves because there was NO way this momma could do it! Then, I also blessed them with the privilege of washing all the dishes and cleaning up where the girls had crashed in the living room:) I, on the other hand, spent my day like a zombie on the couch watching Netflix. All in all, it was a great weekend! Was it worth feeling like I had aged 20 yrs. over night? Yeah, but only because I could chill the next day~otherwise, I would have never survived. Good times!:)

Just Hand Over the Drugs...

...and no one will get hurt!! I have mentioned before that I usually try to stick with natural remedies for my health issues. Well, I'm pretty sure I have over done it and I need real drugs!! I woke up Monday feeling some significant improvement in my Fibro. pain and fatigue. Tuesday started out pretty good, but then I had to clean two houses which made me feel like I had been hit by a Mac truck. I woke up yesterday feeling the pain again but I think I was in a place of denial or just down right stubbornness. My mom tells me I have always been pretty stubborn!! It's like I think I can force my body to feel differently. I have been in that place many times before so I don't know why I haven't learned my lesson. When I get in that frame of mind, I try with everything in me to NOT have fibro., chronic fatigue or even celiac. This is very dangerous because I basically pretend that I am perfectly fine and I can do anything that any Tom, Dick or Harry can do. The truth is--I CAN'T!!

Yesterday, I---1) walked 35 minutes briskly on treadmill  2) Had a house to clean  3) gave my dog a bath which is a KILLER on my back  4) decided I needed to scrub my bathroom from top to bottom--literally!  5) then thought it wise to do a power yoga workout that lasted almost an hour and a half. Can you say stupid?? Now, for a lot of people this may seem like a cake walk, but for me--not so much! The stupid thing is, I KNEW I was overdoing it but kept acting like everything was great!

Let's just say I am reaching for drugs and am happy to have them!! I figure taking them occasionally to have at least some short term relief is not going to kill me. My herbal remedies are not doing much for pain and I am waiting to hear back from my ND. In the meantime, I'm gonna go pop a pill or two:)

Have an awesome day!! Friday is right around the corner!! I love Friday's because I get to teach yoga to my sweet friend's at church:)

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:10

Crossing that Bridge

(Source)


 Most of you may not know that I have been cleaning other people's homes for almost 8 years now. It has been a great way to earn some income while still being able to homeschool my children and be home more than if I had a full time job. I am my own boss, it pays well, I make my own schedule and I can change things when needed. I have been so blessed to have the most wonderful clients in the world too! I seriously could not have asked for better as far as the people I have worked for.

   Over the last several months, my health became more challenging leading up to an official diagnoses of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I have had symptoms literally for YEARS, but I somehow managed to keep pushing through all that I needed to do~until now. My husband and I had a conversation not too long ago about what would happen if I got to the point that I could no longer work the way I have been. He said "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it". Well, we are at that bridge and it is time to cross it!! I feel like I am at the point where I simply can not keep demanding things of my body that are only making me feel worse. I have pushed my body to do things that I didn't feel like doing for SO long, that I now think my body is totally rebelling!!

   I recently became a certified yoga teacher through Holy Yoga and am waiting to see what God has for me in that area of my life. I am teaching a gentle class at my church each week and am praying for another space to open up soon. My goal is to phase out all of my cleaning jobs and only teach yoga. I'm not sure what God has planned though:) I am having to remind myself that His timing is always perfect! He knows exactly what I can and can't handle and I'm so thankful for His care for me.

   I would greatly appreciate prayer for:
      1-God's provision as I am unable to work as much
      2-Open doors for me to teach yoga
      3-Answers as to what treatment is best for my body
      4-FAITH to trust God in ALL areas of my life

  Prayer is powerful and I would feel blessed to have the prayers of fellow believers:)

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you." Jer. 29: 11-12

Raindrops and Remedies

     I was very fortunate to be able to go see my ND (Dr. of Natural Remedies) yesterday afternoon! This past week has been filled with a lot of pain and fatigue. She did something called Raindrop Therapy on my back and it felt SO good. This is the second time she has done this for me and it is by far the best kind of massage I have ever had. I haven't had a lot of massages, but this one is the best so far. She starts out by dripping several different kinds of essential oils all over my back. The oils are cool, but not so cold that it makes you flinch. She then spreads the oils around with her fingernails. After the oils are covering my whole back really well, she then places a really warm, wet towel over my back. While the oils and the warm towel are doing their job, she works on my legs and feet. After a bit, the oils will start to burn some because there is peppermint oil in the mix. When I tell her it is burning, she removes the towel and rubs another kind of oil on that immediately takes the burn away. She then works on my back for a good long time! I also love it because her massage table is heated which comes in really handy when she decides to ice my upper back and neck. Did I leave pain free? Nope, but it sure gave me some relief that I am very thankful for! She also mixed two remedies for pain for me (shown above). She has always been very good at mixing remedies specifically for my needs. They do tend to taste pretty yucky, but oh well. I am also having some gut issues, but she is more concerned about getting me out of this pain cycle I'm in first. More about the gut another day:)

    I have really been wrestling with coming to a place of peace with the way my body feels. I simply can not choose to believe that I will always feel this way. If I do that, I lose heart and that is NOT a place of faith for me! I may or may not feel this way for the rest of my life, but at least I can do my best to feel better with massage, remedies, good diet and moderate exercise.

   Hope you all have a blessed Saturday!!

" Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." 2 Cor.4:16

Seasons of Change

Welcome to my new blog!! I have actually had another blog for quite a long time, but I felt the need to 'start over'. I'm learning as I get older that things can change in a matter of minutes. I have had lots of changes in my life over the last few years. Life is never boring with three teens in the house! My health is a never ending challenge and I am in the process of changing what I do for a living. The main thing I have wanted to change is my focus. Sometimes, when life is hard, it is so easy to see all the bad and miss the good. I am learning through illness and yoga to be thankful for what I have. Things may never be perfect, but God is teaching me that HE is perfect! I am learning to trust Him more on this journey called life. I am learning to be thankful even in the midst of pain. God is good and He can NEVER make a mistake!! So, this blog is just going to be a way for me to share what God is teaching me and ways I am learning to cope with Celiac, Fibromyalgia, and Chronic Fatigue. I hope you'll come and visit often!!