Loving Life:)

Okay, so I bet you thought I had fallen off the face of the earth, huh? Well, I didn't. I've just been busy with life~that kind of happens when you have three youngin's (15, 18 and 20). Gosh, when did I become so old?! Anyway, in my last post, forever ago, I was sharing that I had finally quit work. I'm tellin' ya, I LOVE not working!!!!! When I first stopped working, I was happily catching up on all kinds of things that had been neglected for too long, but that got old real fast. I am happy to have time to do more around my house, but I really don't want my life to be all about cleaning~UGH! My hubby's work schedule is different now so I am also VERY happy to be spending more time with him. We have been trying to walk together about 3 times a week and I LOVE that!

As for yoga, I am teaching one class a week right now and hope to maybe add more later. I don't want to over-commit myself. Did I mention that I LOVE not working?:) Yeah, so anyway, I do also love teaching yoga! It's not a big money maker as I made the classes donation based, but I truly am blessed to be able to teach.

In the health department, I am NOT magically cured because I am no longer working. One of the reasons I have not been blogging much is that I have had a lot to work through emotionally and just coming to terms with where I am physically. Don't get me wrong, I have improved some since quitting work. I am still going to physical therapy twice a week, trying to eat right (that's SO hard), and trying to learn to be active without overdoing it (so NOT good at that one!). I think before I quit my job, I thought that I WOULD magically be better and it was pretty depressing to realize that that was not the case. I am learning not to take the little things for granted and to appreciate what my body CAN do instead of focusing on what I can't do. I DO still have PAIN and lots of fatigue, but I get to stay home and rest when I need to:) On top of that, I LOVE MY FAMILY!!!!

Hope you all are doing well and thanks so much for stopping by:) I hope to start posting more often, but who knows what tomorrow will bring!

It Is What It Is

Well, today was my official last day of work!! Can I get a BIG Hallelujah shout?! Time to start a new season of my life that does NOT include scrubbing other people's toilets:) As excited as I am, this is also a little scary~like, I really did it~I quit, after 8 years! Yikes! You see, I am the type of person that likes to have everything all figured out and I like to KNOW what is going to happen tomorrow or next week. Now, I HAVE NO IDEA!!

I have taken steps to start teaching yoga twice a week, but ultimately, I really don't have any control over how many people (if any) come to my classes. I'm also nervous about the teaching itself. I don't know how my body is going to feel from one day to the next. You don't even want to hear all the other 'what if's' going through my head. Believe me, there are LOTS!

I just came from physical therapy and I have mentioned before how much I like my PT and how we talk the whole time she is killing  working on me. She was laughing at me today because I seem to always want things to be different than they are or I am always thinking 'what if' kind of stuff. For instance, I asked her, "What if I'm not better by the time my insurance is done paying for visits?" Then I said, "I hope it's pretty tomorrow." I could give you more examples, but you get the idea. I am ALWAYS thinking ahead and it adds to the tension and pain in my body. I also ignore my body and clean (and move dressers:) when I shouldn't be! And I wonder why I keep taking 2 steps forward and 1-2 steps back with  my pain.

I said all that to say that I just need to learn that 'it is what it is'. Why can't I just live in the now and be at peace and content. The therapist suggested that I go to behavioral therapy, but I'm not really up for that. I'm not sure I need therapy (although I might:), but one thing I AM sure of is that I NEED GOD! I've been really thinking about this verse this week:

"The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace..." Romans 8:6


The mind controlled by the Spirit (of God) is LIFE and PEACE! I do NOT have peace when I am trying to control or figure everything out! I know this in my head, but need to LIVE IT:)

How about you? Can any of you relate to my struggle? I know I'm not alone in this~we could all just go to therapy together:)  

Takin' the Plunge!

I am FINALLY doing it!! I AM QUITING MY CLEANING JOB!!!! This past week has been a whirlwind of decisions, emotions and business stuff. Let me back up a bit:) In my last post, I was telling you about my wonderful physical therapist and how she encourages me. Well, one thing she said to me last week that I didn't talk about was this "If you keep going like you are, you will eventually get to the point that you can't do anything!" At the time, I kind of shrugged it off, but it just kept coming back to me. I started thinking about why I just kept doing something that is obviously detrimental to my health. My number one reason was FEAR! I was SO afraid that if I quit, we would sink financially. Granted, I don't make that much, but it does help put food on the table. I decided it was high time that I trust God completely and take a huge leap of faith. After prayer and tears and talking with my mom and my best friend~I had made my decision. My mom was very helpful because she also has fibro. I talked with my husband that night and it was official!

Now what? I am actually taking two giant leaps of faith! Not only am I quiting cleaning, but I am also going to start teaching yoga~GASP! A yoga teacher near me sent me a link about this guy that teaches yoga from his wheelchair! What?! Okay, if he can do it, surely I can do it. My therapist has given me the go ahead and I have two places already lined up to teach. Man, things happen fast! I am supposed to start the first week of May. I still have two more weeks to finish out my cleaning.

I am excited to see how my body improves once the cleaning is over and, of course, I am very excited about finally being able to do something I love! There is potential to make MORE teaching yoga than I was able to make cleaning. I am still battling fear of the unknown, but I just have to keep taking it to God. He knows my situation~duh!

Pieces to the Puzzle

Source

                             I went to physical therapy today and can I just say I love my PT! Not only is she awesome at bodywork and improving my pain, she is also very knowledgeable about health and nutrition. She has suffered with Lyme's disease and she can totally relate to people like me. Every time I go, we talk a lot about the pieces of the puzzle that are going to bring me to a better place with my health. I don't do a very good job at putting the pieces together on my own and it is SO helpful to have someone reminding me why I'm doing certain things. The pieces to my puzzle are: diet, exercise, sleep/rest, changing careers~hopefully, supplements and working with several different Dr.s.

The one that seems to get me the most is diet! We talked a lot about that today and I realize that I am not serving myself or bettering my health when I get slack in my eating. When you have a chronic illness or even suffer emotionally, it is SO easy to think that food will make you feel better. For instance, I don't feel good so I think a piece of cake will make me feel better. What I don't take into consideration is what that piece of cake will make me feel like after the joy of eating it is all over. Don't get me wrong, I don't sit around eating cake all the time, but sometimes I just get so tired of caring what I eat. I think I just want something to bring me pleasure~even if it is only for 5 minutes! After talking with the PT today, I feel a little more encouraged to eat healthy for the right reasons. Sometimes the cravings for junk are more than I can bear, but I am only harming myself if I give in. I KNOW certain foods aggravate my health and I am praying for strength to stay away from those foods.

It is easy to feel overwhelmed by all the different pieces to the puzzle. I have to remember that when you sit down to work a puzzle, the pieces don't just fall into place instantly. I recently started working on a 1,000 piece puzzle and it reminded me of the patience it takes to fit the pieces together. My health puzzle can be no different. I have been trying to figure things out for YEARS and I'm STILL not there, BUT I know more than I did a year ago:) My PT gives me hope because she has also traveled a long journey with her health and it has paid off for her. I just have to take it one piece at a time:)

Is there a puzzle in your life that you are having to be patient with? I would love to hear from more of my readers:)

Eight LONG Years!

Most of you probably already know that I clean houses for a living. I have cut back a lot recently due to my health and am now only cleaning two houses a week~compared to 5-6 a week. Cutting back has helped some but I honestly think I need a change. I went to physical therapy yesterday and my regular Dr. today and they BOTH suggested a change in my career! The therapist said she thinks I have the worst job for my health! The Dr. suggested maybe going back to school or finding an easier job. I have been cleaning for eight years as of next week and my body is DONE!

The problem is, I don't know where to go from here. I have spent the last 20 years raising children and being self-employed either babysitting or cleaning. The last 'real' job I had was at a bank right before I started cleaning. So, I don't have a lot (or any) experience with all the computer stuff I might need to get a good part time job. Another problem is that I can make more money in less time by cleaning than I could make working part time somewhere. I like being my own boss and making my own schedule. What I DON'T like is what it does to my body!

I am certified to teach yoga, but that is not really an option until I get my chronic myofascial pain under control. It is improving, but not to the point that I would feel comfortable teaching yoga. I guess I really need to pray about what to do. Do I be patient and wait to be able to teach yoga, or do I look for a part time job doing who knows what? Have any of you ever gone back to work after years of not working~for someone else that is? I would love to hear your thoughts:)


In other news, I am back on Savella. I had said before that I was NOT going to take it again, but after talking with my Dr., I have decided to give it one more shot. He assured me that the weak feeling should go away, but it may take a month or two. So, no more Naltrexone~which means I can take pain meds. when needed:)

Hope you are all well! I have been blog reading some, but just haven't been much in the computer mood lately:) Thanks for stopping by!

Need to Clean it up a Bit

Over the years, I have read LOTS of diet and health books~and I do mean LOTS! Right now I'm reading a book called 'Why We Hurt'. It's not a diet book, but he does talk a lot about how diet can affect our health in positive or not so positive ways. I have probably been on every diet known to mankind, either trying to lose weight or trying to feel better. I haven't really found a specific diet to help with fibro. and I don't think there is one out there. What I DO know, is that eating good, whole, clean foods is best for overall health. It seems like no matter what you read about health, eating whole foods is a common theme. It doesn't matter if you are reading about grain free, low-fat, vegan or whatever. I think most people would agree that whole foods are best regardless of what type of diet you follow. Now, of course, that doesn't mean that we all eat the foods we should. Our taste buds crave all kinds of sugary, processed foods. Our taste buds can be our worst enemies!

The more I read about the benefits of eating whole foods, the more I realize, I'm not doing a very good job at it. You may be asking what a whole food is. Well, it's whole grain oats (the slow cooking kind) instead of boxed cereal. That is just one example. The more a food is 'messed' with before it gets to your table, the less whole it is. Lately, I have been feeling like I am eating way too many processed grains: blue corn chips, gluten free bread, rice pasta, gluten free crackers and cookies. Thankfully, my body starts letting me know that it wants REAL food, like veggies and fruit! The more processed food we eat, the more we usually want.

I have gotten bored with food and have not been motivated to cook. I found myself yesterday wanting a BIG yummy salad, but didn't feel like fixing it and didn't have much on hand to make it an interesting salad. So, what did I eat instead: a sandwich on gluten free bread with blue corn chips on the side. Then I went searching for dessert, but didn't have any. 

I am hoping that today, I will have the motivation to eat more things like this:

Black bean burger with sweet potato

fresh peaches

salad with edamame

green smoothie

These are the kinds of foods that I want to be eating! They do make me feel better than processed food! So, why am I not eating like this? I need to go to the store and I have been lazy about my food choices. How about you, are there any food choices you need to work on?

By the way, that workout yesterday~GOT ME!! More on that another day. Let's just say, I need to learn moderation!! I'm off to physical therapy and will most likely get lectured about overdoing it! Have a great day!

We'll See...

Do you like to exercise? I DO!! About 12-13 years ago I learned to love exercise for the first time in my life. I had three young children and had some weight leftover from pregnancy that I wanted to lose. So, I learned to exercise and found that it made me feel really good. My main form of exercise has changed over the years from one thing to another, but I have been pretty consistent with doing something. I have done FIRM workouts a LOT along with some other videos I had. I never had a gym membership and didn't see the need for one. Over the last few years, my main form of exercise has been lots of walking and cleaning houses for a living. Then, almost two years ago I added yoga to my list of favorites. I also have a history with some dance.

When my fibro. became full blown about 8 months ago, my ability to exercise was greatly challenged. I found it very difficult to do even the simplest things that I used to love to do! I think this has been one of the hardest parts of fibro. and chronic fatigue. Right now, my physical therapist isn't recommending that I do anything other than some walking~which I tend to even overdo that. In a nutshell, not being able to exercise like I have in the past is driving me CRAZY!! My brain wants to do so much more!! So, today I walked on the treadmill for about 20 minutes and then decided I wanted to try to do some of this:

This is the New York City Ballet workout that I used to do a LOT. I have used the book so much that it is literally falling apart! I did refrain from doing the whole thing though. It felt SO good! I did the ab exercises (most of them) and the floor exercises. I can not lay flat on my back, so I made sure I put a pillow under my head to support my neck. My PT had me have x-rays of my neck recently and there are some issues that were concerning, so I have to be pretty careful.

Anyway, I am just really praying that what I did today will not aggravate my body! Sometimes I don't realize I've overdone it until it's too late~like the time I tried to do P90X~not the smartest decision I've ever made. I just want to find something that I can do that won't hurt me! I feel like I am losing a lot of muscle and turning into a blob of flab! Will my body be able to handle a ballet workout? I guess we'll see~

HOORAY!!!!!

What's all the excitement about? Well, my son FINALLY got a car!! Do you know what this means? Let me just paint the picture for you. He is 18 and in college classes 5 days a week and two nights a week. He has a girlfriend that lives about 30 minutes from our house and she doesn't have a car either. I work two days a week and have physical therapy usually two days a week, not to mention grocery shopping etc. So, you can imagine how tricky it has been to get my son where he needs to be at the same time I need to be somewhere. Talk about stressful! I am excited beyond belief that this stress has been lifted off of me!

My kids don't seem to understand that even driving around here and there can be exhausting for someone like me. Like, they REALLY don't get it. I know it has been hard for them to understand why I have such a hard time doing certain things or being on the go all the time. Now, I will be able to be home more instead of going out every single day~woohoo!! There is also the fact that sometimes I would let my son take my car but then that meant if I did NEED to go somewhere, I couldn't. So happy that the problem is solved and he can take his own car to school, work and dating:)

As a follow up to my post yesterday, I have decided to stay on naltrexone, at least until I can talk to my Dr. again. I am trying 5-HTP again and praying that I will feel the benefits from that. No more Savella! I took one dose yesterday morning, but none after that and I can already tell a difference in how weak I was feeling. I didn't sleep well at all last night though, but at least I don't have to run my son everywhere!:) Did I mention that I'm excited about that?!

By the way, sorry I'm not too on top of putting pictures in my post, but I decided when I started this blog that I would not let picureless post keep me from blogging if I felt like blogging:) Have a great day!

Oh, I Forgot About That!

I know it's been a while since I have posted, but I wanted to talk a bit about being on Naltrexone vs. Savella. I have been on Naltrexone for barely over a month and the main difference I can tell is having a bit more energy. While that is a VERY good thing, it hasn't helped with pain at all. My Dr. said it could take a couple of months before we will know if it is going to work for me. The HUGE downfall to being on Naltrexone is that while being on it, I can't take any kind of pain meds. I can take things like Aleve, but that honestly does NOTHING for my pain. There have been many times over this last month that I would have given my left arm for some strong drugs! Not really, but you get the idea:)

Another downfall to being on Naltrexone is that is does NOTHING for depression. People who are not chronically ill may not understand this, but hurting pretty much all the time and being tired all the time can get pretty depressing! I realized the other day that I was tempted to voluntarily drive my car into a concrete wall! I know~NOT a good way to be thinking! I thought at least I could just lay in a hospital bed and be pumped full of morhine~oh, but wait, I couldn't do that because morphine and Naltrexone would not mix!! Then on top of being hurt, depressed and lying in a hospital bed, I would also be puking my guts up. I decided that was not a good option:) I don't really want to drive into a concrete wall, but I DO want some relief from pain and depression!

After having terribly wrong thinking, I decided maybe I better go back on the Savella. At least it would help with the depression and I could take pain meds. when I need them (after going off Naltrexone). I started Savella back on Friday, but there is something I forgot about when taking it. Yeah, it makes me a little sick at first, but I can handle that.What I can't handle is how weak I feel. I had completely forgotten that I felt like this when I was on it before! I'm talking weak to the point that when I get out of the shower, I have to sit on the toilet seat just to catch my breath and not feel like I'm gonna pass out! I'm talking weak to the point that walking from one end of the house to the other is exhausting~ and I have a small house! I am always tired, but this is a different kind of tired and it only got worse the longer I was on the Savella. How could I have forgotten that?! Well, probably because I was never sure if it was the Savella causing it. I just chalked it up as normal Chronic Fatigue but after being off of it and then starting it back, I now know it is the Savella.

Now what? I think I'm between a rock and a hard place! Now I'm thinking maybe I should just give the Naltrexone more time. But what about the depression? I don't know. I really don't like the idea of trying yet another medication. I have used 5-HTP for depression in the past and may give that another shot. In the meantime, I will continue to do my best to trust God. There have been a lot of things in my life that I have not understood and this is one of them, but I WILL keep going to God! He is my only hope of any kind of peace in the midst of my circumstances. I NEED HIM!! Sometimes I feel like He is right in front of me, but I'm having trouble 'seeing' Him. This is when I have to choose to simply trust:)

The Longest Dr. Visit of my Life!

I have been meaning to post an update of my latest Dr. appointment and just haven't had time to sit down and do it! Anyway, last Monday I went to a new Dr. for my fibromyalgia and some other health issues that I have been struggling with for a LONG time. I went with a dear friend from my church, who also has fibro. I spent the night at her house the night before because it was a 2-1/2 hour drive and we had to be there by 8:30. We packed our food for the day and headed out bright and EARLY that morning~and it was COLD! I don't like early or cold:)

The first thing they did when I got there was take blood. Then they let me eat my breakfast~yay! I had the most complete physical I have ever had in my life! After the physical exam, we spent the rest of the day (literally!) talking about the best course of action for me. I have never had a Dr. that asked so many questions and spent so long explaining things. As we were talking, he would sometimes just stop and THINK! Most Dr.s spend about 10 minutes with you and then hand you a prescription and send you on your way. Don't get me wrong, I still really like my regular Dr. and he DOES take time to listen to me, but most Dr.s I have been to are not like that.

Anyway, this new Dr. put a LOT of thought into what would be best for me. I also liked him because he is an MD but he also does alternative therapies. He tries to keep things as natural as possible and I appreciate that:)

So, here's the scoop~
1~He changed my hormones that I was on. I had been on Vagifem for a while without much (if any) success and he changed me to a natural Estriol cream. Estriol is the safest of the three types of estrogen. I was using the Vagifem 3 nights a week and now I am using Estriol twice a day! I have had SERIOUS female issues for the last 2 yrs. and 4 months and he is hoping this will help. He also has me using a natural progesterone cream twice a day. Then, a couple of days ago, he called to tell me that my testosterone is low for my age so now I am waiting to get that shipped to me. He uses a pharmacy in Alabama for all hormones because he feels like the quality is best from them. I am just so happy that all these hormones are bio-identical/natural:)

2~He changed my diet! Oh boy, that one is HARD! I am gluten free, dairy free, completely sugar free (not even stevia for a while), grain free and low-oxalate! Talk about a little overwhelmed! He also wants me to only eat every 5 hours. I thought that would be really hard, but as long as I eat like he told me too, I am very satisfied. He stressed to NOT eat a low fat diet and to make sure I get adequate protein for my weight. He also stressed the importance of eating good clean meat~like grass fed etc. Good thing we have deer meat in the freezer. You can't get much cleaner than that:) I am going to start blogging at Living Free again just to have a place to share my meals/ideas etc. on such a restricted diet. Hope you'll come on over and visit me there too!

3~He changed me from Savella to low dose Naltrexone. I am totally off of the Savella now and just started the Naltrexone last night. You can read up on low dose Naltrexone here. I am also taking several vitamins/supplements and probiotics. I thought it was interesting that he said that you can't truly be healthy unless you have a healthy gut! I haven't had a healthy gut for years, but I feel like we are on the right track. I feel good about changing medicine because I feel like if he is willing to prescribe a 'drug', then he must feel it is pretty safe. I have read some testimonies from people who have tried Naltrexone and had good results so I am hopeful:)

I know this was a really long update, so I'll close now:) I will still be posting here about health stuff, but will also be posting at my old blog about yummy food stuff! My friend and I laugh because we can't ever talk to each other without talking about FOOD at some point:) Living Free is a place where I can do that too.

Hope you are all having a blessed week!

Yummy in my Tummy!

Yesterday was one of those days that I didn't feel like doing ANYTHING! Thankfully, I have a daughter that can cook and take care of me:) She made me the most delicious lunch! I told her she has to make the same dish for me at least once a week! I don't even know what all she put in it but it was SO yummy!

First of all, she made me a fresh loaf of my favorite bread (grain free, sugar free). Then she stir fried a bunch of different veggies and cooked 1/2 of a spaghetti squash. The veggies are SUPER yummy because she added a can of light coconut milk and seasoned it to perfection. I think she used cumin(my FAVE!), cinnamon, chili powder, garlic, turmeric and who knows what else. She put the veggies over spaghetti squash and sprinkled with fresh Parmesan, served with a piece of fresh bread. There was no way I could eat all that she put on my plate, but I sure gave it my best shot! Oh, I almost forgot, it also had chicken with wheat free tamari sauce mixed in. I had the leftovers with eggs for breakfast this morning and still have more to keep me happy for maybe another day :) My daughter will make her future hubby very happy with her cooking skills~she's only 14 though so it will be a while before that happens.

Quick update: I had a visit with a new Dr. last Monday that went really well. He changed my diet, my hormones and my Savella (to something he feels is much safer). I was at his office from 8:30am until 3pm and he was the most thorough Dr. I have EVER been to. He literally spent HOURS examining me, talking and asking questions! I'll try to post more later about it but I can at least say that I am very hopeful that he will be able to help me:)

Do you have a dish that you could eat over and over and never get tired of it?

Where Have I Been?

Honestly, I have been on my couch or my bed a LOT these last couple of weeks! I have wanted to blog but just haven't had the energy or even clear thinking enough to do it. I am still taking Savella, but am going for a follow up with my Dr. on Monday to talk to him more about it. It isn't making me sick and I have had very little side affects from it (except for a few days), but I can't tell that it is helping AT ALL. I thought it was going to help at first because the first three days I took it I seemed to feel some better. By the fourth day, I felt like I always do. The last two weeks, I have actually felt worse! So, we'll see what the Doc says.

I am also pursuing another avenue of treatment. I am going to see another Dr. on the 24th. I really love my regular Dr., but there is a lady at my church with Fibro. and this other Dr. is really helping her with some alternative treatments. I also have some other issues that NO ONE has been able to help me with and I'm hoping the new Dr. will have some insight on how to treat me. The new Dr. had some diet recommendations for my friend at church so I am trying what he told her to do. I don't want to go into detail yet about it because it may or may not help. I just figure it's worth a shot. At this point, I am willing to do just about anything if it will help me feel better:)

I want to say too, that I am SO blessed by my church family!! When I am at my lowest, there is always a shoulder to cry on~literally~and people to pray. I am also being blessed with financial help to see this new Dr. Otherwise, I would not even be able to think about going! So, even when things look the worst, there are blessings being poured out:)

I will try to update more often. I have been reading other blogs when I feel like sitting at the computer~versus being on my couch~which is where I'm heading now:) Thanks for stopping by!

Savella~Good News and Bad News

So, today is day 8 on Savella and I have both good and bad to share so far. I have been super surprised by the lack of bad side affects I have had ! The very first day  I had a little nausea and just a little here and there since increasing my dose. I am supposed to increase my dose again tomorrow and I am hoping the nausea won't get worse when I do. Still, the nausea from this is nothing compared to what I felt when I first tried Cymbalta~GAG!  I've noticed I have felt hot a few times, but nothing unbearable. It's just weird because if I'm hot you know something is amiss:) So far, that's about it as far as side affects go and I'm so thankful. I have read that some people start having more side affects after they have been on it longer, but I'm hoping that won't be the case with me. I have noticed a decrease in my appetite, but more about that in a minute.

As far as how the Savella is working: hmm, I am noticing WAY less stiffness in the mornings! I think it is helping with overall pain, just not pain free~yet. I am usually in pain later on in the day because I seem to be having trouble pacing myself and I end up hurting. It still amazes me how little it takes for me to have 'overdone it' and that is extremely frustrating!  It's weird though, I felt more relief the first few days I was on it than I have these last several days. It IS helping some, just not a drastic change yet. My energy is a bit better, but again, not great yet. So, the good news is~I feel some improvement and hope to feel more!

The bad news is~my husbands insurance is changing as of Jan.1st and we found out that his new insurance will not pay for Savella unless my Dr. convinces them that I have tried other things and that I really need this drug! This is SO frustrating to me! Our insurance that we have had for YEARS always helped with ANY medication~even Savella and now I have to PROVE that I need it, ARGH!! Without insurance, it will cost 274.00 a month and I am just not willing to do that! Even with insurance it was 56.00 and I thought that was a  stretch. Anyway, I am praying that the insurance company will cooperate. Who knows, I may find after a while that it doesn't help enough to fool with it, but I want to at least give it time to see.

Now, a little more about the decrease in appetite. I have TOTALLY stopped neurontin!! I realized that it was making me want to eat like a crazy person so I started researching it a little more~I research EVERYTHING by the way:) I also mentioned it to my internal med. Dr. and the rheumatologist that I saw (whom I didn't like). They both said that it is bad for increased appetite and weight gain. I had not really gained a lot, only a few pounds that I have now lost, but I felt completely out of control with my eating while taking neurontin. That was driving me nuts! My Dr. was really concerned about me going off of neurontin and told me to try cutting it back, but that didn't help.

Liquid Vitamin taste awful by the way! Mix with juice:)

 I am now taking magnesium with malic acid before bed and it seems to be helping me sleep. I am also taking a liquid vitamin (in the morning) that is full of amino acids and all kinds of good stuff. A lot of people  lose their appetite on Savella, but I think mine is just getting back to normal. I am eating less and feeling more satisfied when I eat, but I don't know if it's the Savella or stopping neurontin.

The main reason I wanted to share all of this is because I know how helpful it has been for me to read other people's experiences. I hope this is helpful to someone and I will keep you posted about any further improvement or side affects. Have a great day!!

If at First You Don't Succeed...

...go back to the Dr.~AGAIN! Boy, this has been a hard road lately and I feel like I may NEVER find something that works to relieve my fibro. I tried Cymbalta and quickly decided not to continue with that. Then I must have taken a stupid pill because I also decided to try going without Nuerontin. That was NOT a good idea. I went two nights without it and my body was screaming!

My sweet hubby let me go to a yoga class Sat. morning~which happened to be after two nights without meds. I was SO excited to go to a class! I hadn't been to one since finishing my teacher training the first of Oct. I've done yoga, just not gone to a class. So, I go to this class and I KNEW as soon as it was over that I was gonna pay! By the time I got home, I was reaching for pain meds. and crying. My mom happened to call while I was crying and I had a complete meltdown on her. She also has fibro. so she can totally relate. I am thankful to have her because sometimes fibro. can make you feel VERY alone:( It's just hard for people to understand. I mean, I don't LOOK sick~so therefore I must be okay. I think people also have a hard time understanding the toll it takes on a person emotionally to be 'sick' day after day after day. It felt good to let some of that out to someone who knows what it's like.

 Anyway, I realized after my little moment of insanity and not taking meds. that I could not do without it again. I started doing MORE research about fibro. and decided that at this point I am pretty desperate for relief. I have read so much on the web about fibro. that my eyes sometimes feel like they are crossing! I called my Dr. Mon. morning and thankfully was able to get in to see him. He is so kind! He is always understanding and never makes me feel stupid. He told me yesterday to NOT give up and that he feels really bad for me. He also thought it would be a good idea to send me to a rheumatologist. He prescribed a fairly new drug called Savella and we'll just have to see how my body responds to that. I go to the rheumatologist on Jan. 13th.

I am still not ready for Christmas, but I am choosing to not stress over it. I'll get done what I can and not worry about the rest. I'm so thankful for my family and for the reason for this season~which is Christ's birth.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!!

Edit: The rheumatologist office called and they want me to come today instead of Jan. 13th! I'll keep ya posted:)

Is it REALLY...

...almost Christmas?! I told my husband last night that I didn't want Christmas. He asked me why and I said because I don't feel good enough to have Christmas. He asked me how I was supposed to feel and all I could come up with was "Better than this!" I don't even have a tree up yet!! That is depressing me, but I just haven't had the energy to do it. Maybe today? My kids did their own shopping and I haven't done shopping for anyone else. Sometimes, I wish I could just stop time, just long enough to catch up:)

I have been on the Cymbalta for about a week and a half now and I am going off of it. It seems to be wreaking havoc on my gut~as in I am not able to go to the bathroom~sorry, TMI! I have also noticed that here I am taking an antidepressant and I am MORE depressed than I was before! I actually wasn't depressed before I started it, I was only taking it for the fibro. I can't tell that it's doing anything for my pain either. Maybe I haven't given it enough time, but my gut can't handle it anymore. I have been reading some forums where people have posted about their experience on Cymbalta and it was ALL bad! One lady got so constipated she ended up in the ER with a blockage and was throwing up! Sorry, but that just does not appeal to me!

Because of the affect that the Cymbalta has had on my gut, I am going to spend  a few days eating lots of fresh/raw fruits and veggies and also do some fresh veggie juicing. I feel like I have a bowling ball in my gut and I just need a break/cleanse. It's such a shame that medicine that is supposed to help ends up making me feel just as bad, only in a different way!

Well, I should probably go and come back when I am a bit more chipper. Just wanted to say "Hi":) I wish I could be more consistent with blogging, but oh well. Have a blessed day!

Isaiah 42:16 "I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth."

Just Hand Over the Drugs...

...and no one will get hurt!! I have mentioned before that I usually try to stick with natural remedies for my health issues. Well, I'm pretty sure I have over done it and I need real drugs!! I woke up Monday feeling some significant improvement in my Fibro. pain and fatigue. Tuesday started out pretty good, but then I had to clean two houses which made me feel like I had been hit by a Mac truck. I woke up yesterday feeling the pain again but I think I was in a place of denial or just down right stubbornness. My mom tells me I have always been pretty stubborn!! It's like I think I can force my body to feel differently. I have been in that place many times before so I don't know why I haven't learned my lesson. When I get in that frame of mind, I try with everything in me to NOT have fibro., chronic fatigue or even celiac. This is very dangerous because I basically pretend that I am perfectly fine and I can do anything that any Tom, Dick or Harry can do. The truth is--I CAN'T!!

Yesterday, I---1) walked 35 minutes briskly on treadmill  2) Had a house to clean  3) gave my dog a bath which is a KILLER on my back  4) decided I needed to scrub my bathroom from top to bottom--literally!  5) then thought it wise to do a power yoga workout that lasted almost an hour and a half. Can you say stupid?? Now, for a lot of people this may seem like a cake walk, but for me--not so much! The stupid thing is, I KNEW I was overdoing it but kept acting like everything was great!

Let's just say I am reaching for drugs and am happy to have them!! I figure taking them occasionally to have at least some short term relief is not going to kill me. My herbal remedies are not doing much for pain and I am waiting to hear back from my ND. In the meantime, I'm gonna go pop a pill or two:)

Have an awesome day!! Friday is right around the corner!! I love Friday's because I get to teach yoga to my sweet friend's at church:)

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:10

Crossing that Bridge

(Source)


 Most of you may not know that I have been cleaning other people's homes for almost 8 years now. It has been a great way to earn some income while still being able to homeschool my children and be home more than if I had a full time job. I am my own boss, it pays well, I make my own schedule and I can change things when needed. I have been so blessed to have the most wonderful clients in the world too! I seriously could not have asked for better as far as the people I have worked for.

   Over the last several months, my health became more challenging leading up to an official diagnoses of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I have had symptoms literally for YEARS, but I somehow managed to keep pushing through all that I needed to do~until now. My husband and I had a conversation not too long ago about what would happen if I got to the point that I could no longer work the way I have been. He said "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it". Well, we are at that bridge and it is time to cross it!! I feel like I am at the point where I simply can not keep demanding things of my body that are only making me feel worse. I have pushed my body to do things that I didn't feel like doing for SO long, that I now think my body is totally rebelling!!

   I recently became a certified yoga teacher through Holy Yoga and am waiting to see what God has for me in that area of my life. I am teaching a gentle class at my church each week and am praying for another space to open up soon. My goal is to phase out all of my cleaning jobs and only teach yoga. I'm not sure what God has planned though:) I am having to remind myself that His timing is always perfect! He knows exactly what I can and can't handle and I'm so thankful for His care for me.

   I would greatly appreciate prayer for:
      1-God's provision as I am unable to work as much
      2-Open doors for me to teach yoga
      3-Answers as to what treatment is best for my body
      4-FAITH to trust God in ALL areas of my life

  Prayer is powerful and I would feel blessed to have the prayers of fellow believers:)

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you." Jer. 29: 11-12

A Lesson in Faith

     I think most of us would agree that the opposite of faith is unbelief and fear. I learned a great lesson through my yoga practice recently that I want to share with you. I have been practicing yoga for about a year and a half and have been able to gain some muscle and strength in the process, but one of the things I seemed to have trouble doing was a headstand. I could do it if I was against a wall for balance, but not otherwise. At the end of September I went to my yoga training retreat and one of the many things we worked on was a headstand away from the wall. I did it away from the wall, but only because I had someone to catch my feet as I kicked them up. So, when I got home I was determined to learn to get into a headstand and stay there without anyone helping and no wall!

   One morning, I decided that maybe if I knew I wouldn't kill myself if I fell, just maybe I could do it. I then had the idea to get close enough to the couch so that I would land on it if I did fall--but not close enough to be able to touch it. In other words, I couldn't use the couch to help me get up or stay up, but at least if I fell I knew I wouldn't break anything!

   I thought that one of the reasons I couldn't get up without help was lack of strength. I'm not the strongest 40 (almost 41) year old I know! To my surprise, I quickly found out that I DID have the strength to get up AND I stayed up!!! I was so shocked that I actually did it, I almost fell. I had to really contain my excitement in order to stay up!! I didn't touch the couch and I didn't fall!! This was a HUGE success for me :)

    I learned a very important lesson about God through this! How many times do we not do something out of fear of falling? We think we aren't strong enough, or that if we fall God may not be there to catch us!! If we trust and know that He WILL catch us, we usually find out that we can do more than we think. It is His strength~not ours. I did fall one day, and it was scary, but the couch was there to catch me and I was okay. It's the same with our wonderful Savior!! We WILL fall from time to time, but it's okay~He always catches us!!

   I really wanted to take a picture of me in my wonderful new headstand, but I don't want to add to the pain in my upper body that I have had lately. You'll just have to trust that I CAN do it;) Knowing that is good enough for me! I don't have to prove anything to myself by doing it everyday and taking a chance on hurting myself. I am having to really learn to listen to my body in my yoga practice, but at the same time, yoga is one of the most helpful things for me right now:)

   Is there something you have been afraid to try for fear of falling?

"Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, Be strong, do not fear; your God WILL come..." Isaiah 35:3-4

Raindrops and Remedies

     I was very fortunate to be able to go see my ND (Dr. of Natural Remedies) yesterday afternoon! This past week has been filled with a lot of pain and fatigue. She did something called Raindrop Therapy on my back and it felt SO good. This is the second time she has done this for me and it is by far the best kind of massage I have ever had. I haven't had a lot of massages, but this one is the best so far. She starts out by dripping several different kinds of essential oils all over my back. The oils are cool, but not so cold that it makes you flinch. She then spreads the oils around with her fingernails. After the oils are covering my whole back really well, she then places a really warm, wet towel over my back. While the oils and the warm towel are doing their job, she works on my legs and feet. After a bit, the oils will start to burn some because there is peppermint oil in the mix. When I tell her it is burning, she removes the towel and rubs another kind of oil on that immediately takes the burn away. She then works on my back for a good long time! I also love it because her massage table is heated which comes in really handy when she decides to ice my upper back and neck. Did I leave pain free? Nope, but it sure gave me some relief that I am very thankful for! She also mixed two remedies for pain for me (shown above). She has always been very good at mixing remedies specifically for my needs. They do tend to taste pretty yucky, but oh well. I am also having some gut issues, but she is more concerned about getting me out of this pain cycle I'm in first. More about the gut another day:)

    I have really been wrestling with coming to a place of peace with the way my body feels. I simply can not choose to believe that I will always feel this way. If I do that, I lose heart and that is NOT a place of faith for me! I may or may not feel this way for the rest of my life, but at least I can do my best to feel better with massage, remedies, good diet and moderate exercise.

   Hope you all have a blessed Saturday!!

" Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." 2 Cor.4:16

Forgetful Dori

Good Morning World:) Do you ever feel like forgetful Dori from the Disney movie 'Nemo'? Well, yesterday was that day for me. First of all, I forgot to put the turkey in the oven! My hubby texts me and asked what's for dinner and I tell him "Well, I kind of forgot to cook the turkey." I am blessed to have a hubby that understands and he even made up for my mistake by cooking spaghetti and meatballs for himself and the teens.

I had to take my daughter to singing school yesterday. Since this is a new blog, I will fill you in on the fact that we home school. My two oldest (boys) are done and in Community College , so my daughter is the only one left homeschooling. Anyway, we were getting ready to leave for singing school and I realized I still had my slippers on. I  have done this SO many times I have lost count!! Not to mention that I often forget to check her work~oops. It's a good thing she is pretty independent!

I also forgot to do some banking that REALLY needed to be done~hubby to the rescue again~only he doesn't know it yet:) I'll just have to use his/our other account for what I needed:) Who knows what else I forgot to do, oh yeah, there was a phone call or two I needed to make.

I am learning not to stress~as much. I still do get overly stressed about stuff, but I am way better than I was. One thing I am going to try not to stress over is this blog. I want this to be helpful and fun for me~not like a job. Therefore, I'm not going to be worried about pictures so much like I used to on my other blog. I do want to post regularly, but having no energy or time for a gazillion pictures kept me from blogging a lot before. Pictures are fun and I do love having them, but I won't let that keep me from blogging:) I will show you a picture of my helpful hubby though. We are a little sunburned in this picture~we were in Florida for our 20th anniversary:)

Since being diagnosed with fibro., I am having to learn what's most important in life and if I have energy left for something else, then great! I know, cooking the turkey was pretty important, but nobody died and we managed. Hopefully today I will remember to cook the turkey! Guess I should get on that now:) Hope you all have a fabulous day and come to see me often!!!

"Be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery." Deut. 6:12