Nov 15, 2010

If Left to Myself

I have always been the type of person to set very high expectations on myself and God has been trying to break me of this for years! I guess you could say I am somewhat of a perfectionist--which in Biblical terms would be called 'pride'. To think that 'I' can do anything perfectly or in my own strength is ridiculous! I am slowly learning though and that is the goodness of God. Growing in areas like this is evidence of God's grace in my life. The fact that He doesn't just leave me to myself is such a gift!!

If left to myself, I would still be trying to keep my house perfectly clean. If you have children you know that that is a futile attempt at best:) I have learned to relax even if my house isn't just the way I like it. This has been one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn!! My body has given me no choice~so there is some good coming from illness.

If left to myself, I would still be in the midst of an eating disorder that the enemy meant to kill me! I look back on those days and remember the bondage that was so strong I thought I would never be free. I am happy to say that 'I AM FREE'!!!!!!!!! Does that mean the enemy never tempts me with that? Absolutely not~but I am able to recognize it for what it is and for that I am thankful:)

If left to myself, I would not be learning to pace myself. I used to just work until I was literally about to drop dead! I thought I could not stop until the job was 100% complete. I painted my living room over the summer and had all the walls and trim painted and the furniture back in place and cleaned all in one day~whew!!! It took me weeks to recover from that! Needless to say, I will not be attempting something like that again. I am learning to let things go.

If left to myself, I would still be trying to 'earn' God's love! I have been on the performance treadmill my whole life and I am ready to step down! I am SO glad that God loves me even when my house is messy! He loves me even when I am tempted to go back to bondage! He loves me even when I don't have the energy to cook for my family! He loves me no matter what the scale says!!!!!! He loves me even if I am not the perfect wife or mother. He even loves me when I knowingly sin against Him!!

If left to myself, I would not even begin to understand the gospel and His grace and mercy towards me!! When I am having a tough time, it is a good reminder that HE LOVES ME unconditionally. The great news is, He loves YOU just the same:)

"This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to ALL who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Romans 3:22-24


  1. I enjoyed your post Kim. Isn't it amazing that becoming someone we don't totally know yet, shows us who we have been (wonder how we did all the things we did)and to recognize God's presence at work on us. He shows us tender mercies. Hugs

  2. This is the beauty of a loving God - He doesn't just require we hand ourselves over to Him and then dump us... He is with us every step and He gives us freedom through His grace.
    Like you, I have had to learn to not push myself to complete a task in a ridiculously short period of time. Pacing myself and learning that it's ok to do nothing sometimes has been a hard lesson for me, and even today, 2.5 years since getting CFS, I still sometimes feel guilt - like I'm being lazy rather than feeling fatigued from a real illness.
    It's a pleasure to meet you, and I'm glad I stumbled on your blog today. The Lord bless you.

  3. thanks for being so's an honor to hear your heart.